Choosing God's Will Over Mine

 

Today my thoughts go back to the time that I was interviewing for principal jobs in Minnesota and Wisconsin.  
I had previously been a Coordinator for an Alternative Program that I started in New Ulm, Minnesota.  We served 6 school districts, and consequently our student population grew very rapidly from the start.  While administrating at our new school, I was working on my principal’s licensure through Winona State University at the same time.  I traveled to Rochester, Minnesota once a week after completing a full day at the Alternative Program in New Ulm.  The drive was long, and it seemed even longer when returning back from my class.  It took about 3 hours to drive to class, take a 3 1/2-hour class and then return for another 3-hour drive when heading home.  
In Minnesota one had to complete their master’s degree first before starting another 2 years of administration classes in preparing for being a public-school principal.  During the summer months I took classes at Winona State University while teaching at a local Alternative School to make ends meet.  I lived in an off-campus dorm all the while attending classes. So, for two years I was very busy growing an Alternative program all the while attending classes to get my Minnesota public-school administration licensure.  
When I completed my administrative classes I started to apply for jobs in the Minnesota area.  One particular job that I interviewed for was in western Minnesota.  I liked the town, and I could see myself living there, but my heart was in Winona, the town that I loved so very much.  I got my bachelor’s degree in education at Winona State as well as my master’s degree.  Winona was so much like the town I grew up in, Jackson, Minnesota.  It also was a river town like Winona.  The only difference was that Winona was many times larger.  What appealed to me though was that life seemed to slow down in Winona.  It would have been a town that Norman Rockwell would have loved to live in.  It was not unusual to see a child with a fishing pole in his hand heading to the river or local lake near-by or see several men in a fishing boat in the early morning mist over the river.  650-foot bluffs embraced the city on two sides with the Mississippi river gently flowing next to the main part of the town.  Along with the city’s natural beauty, there are two small lakes on the other side of the community which makes for a wonderful adventure with its walking/biking paths. All in all, I loved this town with all my heart. 
So, when it came time in looking for a job, I really desired to live in Winona or close by.  I asked God to lead me in getting a new job and I was hoping that he would bless me in allowing myself to live near Winona. Sometimes though, God has other plans for us.  At the time though, I asked for God’s will, but I was so blinded by my deep love for Winona that I failed to seek his will rather than my own.  I prayed to him that his will be done, but in reality, I was asking God to bless my will instead.
Not soon after I got a call from the school district in Western Minnesota that I interviewed with, and they informed me that they hired an internal candidate instead.  I was disappointed to hear that but was hoping that God was leading me to a job near Winona.  To my surprise, one day later a superintendent just north of the Twin Cities contacted me and said that the superintendent where I applied in western Minnesota contacted him and said that he was impressed with my interview.  So, this superintendent after interviewing me on the phone, gave me an in-person interview for later the next week and I readily accepted.  But then something else happened literally right after his call, an administrator from Wisconsin not far from Winona asked if I would interview for an administrative job.  The interview was set up two days before my other Twin Cities interview.  I was very excited to say the least about the job near Winona.  So much so that I became blinded to any other option.  I was immediately offered the job in Wisconsin, and I canceled the Twin Cities interview.  The Twin Cities superintendent there was very disappointed over my choice.  He told me that what he heard about me was very good and was impressed with the phone interview. He also said that there was a very good chance I could have gotten the job in his school. I responded by apologizing in not accepting the interview with their school and left that job possibility for someone else.  
My blinders were so focused on getting back to the town that I so loved that I totally forgot that I was not allowing God to be a part of my final decision. In retrospect I quit consulting God for fear that he had different plans for me other than what I wanted for myself.  As it turned out, it was a year of many trials and tribulations.  There were many administrators that had my job before me each lasting only a year.  There were numerous internal struggles within the school and many things that made my job very difficult.  I got to be near Winona, but at what cost for myself?  I saw that God was not punishing me but wanted to protect me from all this.  I was so blinded by having my own way that I refused to see his.  I later realized that I wanted instead for God to bless my way rather the one obvious choice he wanted for me. God taught me a valuable lesson that when asking for his will, I must be open for a different answer than what I was hoping for.  Choosing his way, I know will always be best for me.